Moving on after abuse…

They cheat, lie or manipulate and don’t feel remorse: Narcissists don’t really empathize so when they do something to hurt you, they don’t really feel remorseful. This can actually be the most hurtful part because it may make you feel like they never cared about you at all. Moving on can be very hard because a lot of people feel that they need closure or apologies that they will never get from narcissistic people…

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No boundaries…

The Narcissists main goal is to confuse you enough so you look like the crazy psychotic one, it’s just another tactic to place their inability to take responsibility for their actions. The more I read about this type of inhumane and deceptive treatment, the more angry I get just knowing it’s just a game they are playing and to see how much damage they can do to their victims, with no remorse for their actions.

It makes me really question how someone can live with themselves knowing how wrong they really are, how much they have to lie to maintain control and how verbally and mentally abusive they can be. There are no boundaries whatsoever regarding how they dehumanize someone.

Human Closure Versus Narcissistic Closure…

Closure may be possible if you were dealing with a normal human being, because the fundaments of normal human interaction are about having a conscience, and possessing the ability to consider other people’s feelings. There are relationship endings that do exist whereby one or both parties has genuine concern in regard to creating closure, decency and respect when going separate ways. This, however, is not the narcissistic reality.

Do you believe ‘everything happens for reason’? I do, and I have found that this acceptance is one of the biggest keys in recovering from narcissistic abuse. As you well know by now, the narcissist does not have this functionality and no matter how much you would like him or her to grant you something, anything to help you gain closure the narcissist has no perception, or desire to do that.

In fact your trying to gain closure keeps offering the narcissist A Grade Narcissistic Supply. It supplies attention, and the ability for the narcissist to feel incredibly important that you are so affected by what he or she has done.

Let’s face it, in the midst of narcissist abuse you met head on with lack of accountability, zero conscience and a total lack consideration for your feelings. If you didn’t receive decencies then, why would you now? Nothing has changed. 

  
I know that we all have had the hope that somewhere, somehow the narcissist will get it… genuinely get it… and that this would mean, one day after breaking up, you would receive sanity, ownership, signs of regret and remors.In fact you may have seen these things before, but you know it doesn’t hold, and therefore these feelings are not genuinely felt or owned by the narcissist, and certainly are not, and will not be applied in his or her life, or dealings with you.

“I’m sorry I don’t feel sorry for what you think I should be sorry for!”

My concerns were trivial and if it wasn’t about him he was uninterested. He had little ability to empathize and everything was on his terms. He once presented to me a piece of paper that listed 5 “RULES” I was to follow should we have continued to see each other. Someone with these narcissistic tendencies won’t see things from your world or from your point of view, it’s their rules on their terms! Everything was about him and what he wanted. He repeatedly ignored my needs in the relationship and only focus on getting what worked best for him; crying only pissed him off. He will always be his number one priority and everyone else will always come after that…

Hot or cold… 

Narcissists can fluctuate between adoring you and devaluing you: People with narcissistic tendencies run very hot, or ice cold. They can be mean and critical one second and then sweet and loving the next. I became very confused because I still saw glimpses of the wonderful man I first fell in love with, but I also witnessed another side of him that made me feel bad about myself…